Suffer..

Alhamdulillah, baru selesai binding tesis. Alhamdulillah, berkurangan sedikit keresahan dalam hati. Alhamdulillah, nur graduan mulai memancar pada raut wajah ku. Alhamdulillah, 1st reader dan 2nd reader berpuas hati dengan tesis ku walaupun tak perfect. Alhamdulillah, Maha Suci engkau yang mempermudahkan urusan aku dan sahabat2 ku yang lain..

Ya Allah, betapa leganya aku setelah menyerahkan 2 draft tesis utk dijilidkan. Kemudian akhirnya mendapat tandatangan 1st reader iaitu penyelia ku.. Walaupun masih terdapat pelbagai possibility, namun aku mohon padaNya agar dipermudahkan.. Inilah tugasan yang terakhir sebagai seorang student yang telah extent maximum. 5 tahun di UTM bagaikan mimpi indah, ngeri, menakutkan, mengarut, dan sebagainya.. Akhirnye tiba juga dipenghujung.

Rabu ini is my last day in UTM. The next time i’m come here, insyaAllah it will be on my Convo.. Ada beberapa hari je lagi boleh YM, and apa2 berkaitan dengan internet..

Ow, i couldn’t stand to talk anymore.. Just wanna have some sleep.. A deep comfort sleep to ease my suffer mind and heart.. “Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan ku..”

Testing 1 2 3

Testing letak gambar.. dah la

Fairy Tale: Stardust

At the end of the story.. (Film: Stardust)

“They rule for 80 years. But no man can live forever, except he who possesses the heart of a star. And Yvaine had given hers to Tristan completely. When their children and grandchildren were grown, it was time to light the Babylon candle… And they still live happily ever after.”

At the end of the story (Islamic version)

“They rule for 80 years. But no man can live forever, except he who died martyr for Islam. And Yvaine had given hers to Allah completely on the death of Tristan. When their children and grandchildren were grown, it was time for Yvaine to end her life… And they still live happily ever after in Jannah.”

**************

Owh, i’m in love with this story. It’s just one fairy tale for a bed time story. Yet, they give much of hopes, to end things in a manner way, happily ever after.. Its very touching..

Allah has given us hopes as much as the story gives hopes to the reader. Not as much, but far more than one’s can imagine..

“Say: O `Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”. (39:53)

“And never do We requit in such a way except those who are ungrateful (disbelievers)”. (34:17)

‘(Say:) `Truly, it has been revealed to us that the torment will be for him who denies (believes not in the Oneness of Allah, and in His Messengers), and turns away (from the truth and obedience of Allah)”. (20:48)

“And My Mercy embraces all things”. (7:156)

“Apabila kamu bertemu dengan orang-orang kafir (di medan perang) maka pancunglah batang leher mereka. Sehingga apabila kamu telah mengalahkan mereka maka tawanlah mereka dan sesudah itu kamu boleh membebaskan mereka atau menerima tebusan sampai perang berakhir. Demikianlah apabila Allah menghendaki niscaya Allah akan membinasakan mereka tetapi Allah hendak menguji sebahagian kamu dengan sebahagian yang lain. Dan orang-orang yang syahid pada jalan Allah, Allah tidak akan menyia-nyiakan amal mereka. Allah akan memberi pimpinan kepada mereka dan memperbaiki keadaan mereka, dan memasukkan mereka ke dalam jannah yang telah diperkenankanNya kepada mereka. Hai orang-orang mukmin, jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah, niscaya Dia akan menolongmu dan meneguhkan kedudukanmu.” (47:4-7)

Abu Dharr (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Allah, the Almighty, says: `Whosoever does a good deed, will have (reward) ten times like it and I add more; and whosoever does an evil, will have the punishment like it or I will forgive (him); and whosoever approaches Me by one span, I will approach him by one cubit; and whosoever approaches Me by one cubit, I approach him by one fathom, and whosoever comes to Me walking, I go to him running; and whosoever meets Me with an earth-load of sins without associating anything with Me, I meet him with forgiveness like that”.
[Muslim]

********************

Dear me, don’t be sad when your application is turned down. Huhu, deep inside me, i felt so sad. Don’t turn away your hopes towards Him, one day He will answer it. Not now.. Not now.. A little bit of patient..

********************

Siapa yang tak risau, siapa tak gusar.. A lot of things will come,.. There will be lot of probs we have to face. Yet, none will know the future is..

Puts hope in Allah.. Puts effort in everything.. But please, don’t be alone. Have faith and trust, to whom they may be.. Some really care, of one’s worry.. Let’s make things easier.. But still, not losing a single hopes, towards Allah.

Manusia tetap lemah, manusia tetap kerdil. Tiada kepastian didepan, hanya realiti dibelakang. Cakaplah macamana pun, tetap tiada kepastian. Tetapi hanya yang ada, harapan dan usaha..

*******************

In primary school, I have to take part performing a song.. This was the small part that I played:

When i was just a litle boy,

I ask my mother, what will I be?

I might be handsome, I might be a soldier,

This is what she said to me…

Hey shera, shera,

What ever will be, will be,

the future not I to see,

Hey shera, shera,

What will be, will be..

Aisey man..

Alhamdulillah baru je selesai jogging sekitar UTM.. Owh, terasa sedikit kurus.. Haha, bukan itu, sebenarnya rasa lapang skit minda selepas jogging.. Yeah, ramai tak tahu jogging itu membawa sihat secara zahir dan batin. Rasulullah saw suka kepada pemuda pemudi yang sihat. So, walau buzy sekali pun, sediakanlah sedikit ruang dalam seminggu untuk menjaga kesihatan diri.. Cukuplah sekadar 20minit berlari atau 30min berjalan tanpa berhenti untuk memastikan kelancaran jantung dan mengurangkan kolestrol dalam darah.

************************************

Alhamdulillah, tak perlu viva tesis.. Just perlu betulkan tesis and then jilidkan. That is my last task in UTM. Gosh, i can’t wait to graduate, konvokesyen.. And above all, tak sabar nak bekerja. Ya Allah permudahkanlah urusanku.. Wish i got a better jobs, spy aku boleh seimbangkan antara kerjaya, keluarga dan perjuangan.. Wish everything going smooth for me, and my friends.. Hoping for a good future and ending.

************************************

Face Down (a song from me to the main stream media/umno/barisan nasional)

Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I’ll never understand why you hang around
I see what’s going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror
tell yourself, it’s never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever, you will surely drown
I see what’s going down.

I see the way you go and say you’re right again,
say you’re right again
heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt, she said,
“This doesn’t hurt”, she said,
“I finally had enough.”
[x2]

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
it’s coming round again.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
[x2]

Face down in the dirt, she said,
“This doesn’t hurt”, she said,
“I finally had enough.”

note: man refers to umno/barisan nasional/main stream media/ahli akademik ultra umno totok/tnchep, while she refers to rakyat/malaysian people/innocent civilian/good society/pure academician

*******************************************

Everybody Change

Baca dari blog cikF=) telah membuatkan saya terfikir mengenai halatuju selepas ini. Yeah, she rite now hav gone through the pain and suffer.. Even though i submitted my final draft but still i’m not yet presenting. Their faculty is not like my faculty.. Faculty of ‘torturing like hell’ (hehe just kidding.. Always make your mind fade away with all sort of probability and never ending story..) Hope my name will not in the presenter list. Hope so much.. Those who present only have 2 possibility: whether you sucks (fail) or you are smart (got A for thesis).. Those in between are in safe zone for graduation..

Hey, my interview will be this Saturday 26 April 2008 at Gamuda Berhad.. Oh, i’m not even ready anything except bought some proper casual fit for PROFESSIONAL work/job.. Yeah PROFESSIONAL not professional.. Owh, i’m just hate to wear it.. Although i look handsome and smatter in that outfit (i’m not bluffing, haha), but still i hate it.. It make me have to change attitude, work culture and many other things too..  I wanna be a small kid, come on man… Be a small kid is the best thing.. Doesn’t have to be ‘naqib’, just be ‘anak usrah’. No need giv speeches/tazkirah but only hearing them.. Hehe.. Just imagine it.. I bet there are many people in our line love that.. Just take but not giving.. Oh cut the crap, back to the interview.. I wish i have perfect English communication and writing skills, then i talk to them like they are nothing.. Haha,, oh shit, don’t talk big (my bad) I pray that my interview will go smoothly and properly manner and attitude.. Hope you all also pray me for my successful for getting that job.. Oo Lord, there’s no other who can give me/others ‘rezeki’ but you. Guide me with Your bless and Your kindness.. Your the Almighty, Allahuakhbar..

This coming May will be my very ‘best ever friend for 5 years’ wedding. I have known her since the day they  came to UTM. Not her alone, but with cikF=), Fakaruddin, Paod and another person (that i’ve forget). She’s gonna end single status to married to her lover.. Well, nothing i can say much for their wedding.. I’m too small for giving advice to her. Eventually she already know how to be a smart and think alone. I’m not smart and great enough to give advice to her. But she one of my great friend i ever had.. One thing that make me so sad and so fed up is does life after marriage will change a lot.. I always feels like i hav lost another friend when they married.. Oh, i’m should happy for them but that what i’m thinking, i am really weirdo.. Oh don’t even thinking me of me jealous for their marriage.. That’s not the point..

Talk about those i just mentioned, among them i really luv 3 of them (EMi, cikF n Faka). I’m remember it clearly of those day, they were called ‘anak usrah’ and i’m the useless ‘naqib’ with my nostalgic proton saga 1.3 auto.. Until today, i feel like i have fail my obligation and resposibilities to them.. I always full of myself, not concern about them.. What a terrible guy i am.. Today, i’m very happy to hear they will grad, wedd and work. While the other side of me crying so loud, wish they forgive me.. Eventhough i’m g5 and you all g6, but you are my truly sisters and brother.. 5 years we have been together, 5 years we have known each other, 5 years we have high and down together and for 5 years God has make us like brother and sisters.

Huhu.. (^_^)

The time have changed, the world now change, and people too. And i write this because EVERYBODY CHANGES for goodness, for improvement, for happier life, for comfortable life, and most of my friend change because Allah.. May Allah guide them closer to You.

p/s: sometimes it just nice to be emo a little..